Friendships + Marriage Part 1

I honestly think being young and married is one of the hardest life situations to be in. “Adulting” is hard by itself, then add marriage in the mix and you suddenly find that you are in the 5% of the population (yes, I am exaggerating here). But seriously, you are definitely not among the majority. So, when it comes to finding friends who are young and married, it is tough.

When Joseph and I got married four years ago we were basically the first of our core group of friends, both high-school and college, to take this next step. We didn’t have any one to relate to from that perspective and I just remember praying and asking God to send married friends! I begged him for one year! I knew that we needed to be surrounded by other couples in our age group, but I wasn’t really sure why. Plus, my current friends were scattered throughout the east coast, single and didn’t really understand the transition I was going through.

Not only are priorities different between married and single people, but expectations are as well. To some degree, single people say or assume similar things about married people. You know, the assumption that married people are occupied with their spouse 247 or the assumption that the friendship ends almost immediately after the wedding because married people just “don’t have time”  or lack interest in everything not relating to marriage (I am not making these things up). Married folks, am I on the right track? Invitations to hang out and phone calls start to dwindle because of these assumptions. I think I can speak on behalf of most married people and say these assumptions should end in 2018.

So as you can probably infer, things got tricky for us. I mean, I was warned that maintaining old friendships and establishing new friendships would be difficult, but my real challenge was learning to embrace the season I was in. I was in a season of change all around and the one thing I was hoping to not be as tough of a challenge was the friendship arena. God eventually sent married friends in small doses and I showed my single friends that I can still be married and have outside friendships.  It worked out and when I think back to this season in my life I’m reminded that God’s timing is impeccable. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. Because in all honesty, my true focus should have been building a strong foundation for marriage not worrying about maintaining or establishing friendships.

You may be reading this as a newlywed and going through this same season of change with friendships. Or, you may not have encountered this yet, but what I want to convey is that this season I just described is not unusual. It is in fact normal. Embrace this season and know that it will be ok! God has your back.

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